The Path of Change

Wealth consists not in having great possessions but in having few wants. ~ Esther De Waal

The past few days I've felt a lot of emotions from anxiety to elation.  It is a time of dissonance because it is the convergence of many thoughts and long awaited dreams battling for their place among your final list of goals.  Coming to the realization that things are not what you want them to be is only the beginning of your walk along the path of change.  There will be many adjustments to make and obstacles to overcome, and you will need to spend some time alone figuring out what it is you really desire.  But, as it is often said, most things in life worth achieving require some work.

I have already begun to make some small changes to the way I spend my time.   This week, I have thrown out 20 things, made some room in the nursery for the new baby, thought about and planned my nutrition intake, eaten healthy home cooked meals, spent some time outdoors, and enjoyed special moments with my family.  But the thing that has caused the most anxiety is figuring out my bigger purpose and how to overcome the obstacles that stand in my way.

I have learned that among the vast possibilities available to us we must narrow them down to a few simple wants.  On the surface certain goals may seem very desirable, but we should analyze our motivations and figure out what is most important to us.  Is medicine a prestigious and fruitful career to embark on?  I believe so, but is it for everyone?  Of course not.  Whatever you choose to do it should be for the right reasons, and one of the best ways to know if you are choosing a particular path for the right reasons is to first acknowledge the things you value most in life; the principles you live by.

If you find yourself going from one idea to another unable to settle on one path it is possible that you are allowing external influences to interfere with your own understanding of who you are and what you want.  The people I have known who flutter from one hobby, lifestyle, or career goal to another also seem to be the most confused about their identity.  If any of this sounds familiar you could start by asking yourself some simple questions like:

What inspires and motivates you?
On what occasions do you feel truly happy?
What kind of accomplishments have been most meaningful to you?
What do you value most in life?

Depending on where you stand with your knowledge of yourself and your purpose, these questions may be inspiring or frustrating.  If this is not the first time you have tried to identify your skills and desires, I encourage you to push through the frustration and begin again.  Clear your mind and forget what you think seem like good paths to follow and allow yourself to explore who you are first.

Aside from confusion, the restlessness and anxiety that accompany this time can also be to do with wanting the results before you have put in the work.  Once you begin on the path you are eager to jump in and yield the rewards, especially if you already feel like you are behind, but it takes time and work to make things happen.  Don't lose your momentum, but understand that the seeds you are sowing need time to grow. 

A New Challenge

It's almost April and I can feel that Spring is already upon us. This is a great time to get outdoors by yourself or with family and friends, and soak up the vitamin D!

My last challenge focused on how to think consciously about our finances. Through our 30 Day Challenge to buy generic food, I learned that groceries don't have to be as expensive as I thought. That is a lesson I put into practice by continuing to buy generic groceries where possible, and looking for the cheapest and best value products. We found that switching to cheaper alternatives didn't affect the quality or taste of our meals. Some things may have had a very slight difference in flavour, but most things seemed the same. 

Shopping mindfully was a surprisingly easy transition.  It really only required a little extra time at the store to compare products and a little planning, so that the we knew what we needed to buy for all our meals each week.  Though we mainly conquered the grocery store, we will continue to explore different ways to live more frugal in all areas, and I expect to come back to this topic of finances in the future.

This month, however, we will move forward with our plan to live more consciously by exploring how we spend our time.  What we do on a daily basis really affects the way our lives, as a whole, unfold.  Not only on a short term basis, but our ultimate path too. Most of us go to work, and then fill our time with all kinds of activities alone, with friends, or with family. But do we take stock of everything we do, making sure that we are living each day to the fullest, or do we simply go through the motions?

For the next 30 days I am going to keep a log of everything I do and attempt to make more conscious decisions about how I spend my time.  I have written a list of activities that fall into four categories: Physical, Mental/Emotional, Goal Seeking, and Maintenance.  I will use my list as a guide to help me understand how my time is divided and to assist me in making good decisions.

Here is a breakdown of my four categories:

1. Physical - Probably the most obvious of the four, this pertains to things like exercise, nutrition, sleep and rest.
2. Mental/Emotional - This encompasses relaxation, stress management, meditation, and prayer.
3. Goal Seeking - Developing and achieving values, learning, creating, honing crafts and skills, and pursuing personal and professional goals.
4. Maintenance - Organization, planning, cleaning, and maintaining relationships with others.

Many people have their own set of categories based on their own values and needs.  Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, calls them the Four Dimensions of Renewal.  I like the term renewal because that's really what you are doing when you continue to dedicate yourself to conscious thought on a daily basis.  Each time you take a moment to consider or review an action you are renewing your mind and realigning yourself with what is important to you.  As I have said before, it is so easy to stray from the path.  That's why having a system for staying on track is important, and rededicating yourself daily to live consciously and knowing and analyzing how you spend your time is an important activity.

I will likely add to my categories as I explore each area more fully, but initially I just wanted to have a basic idea of how I normally spend my time and what was important to me.  Each of these four areas are important for my general well being and for feeling a sense of fulfillment in my daily life.  The goal seeking category should also help me to find a deeper and bigger fulfillment by allowing me to pursue my larger purpose.

For this challenge I want to be sure that I'm spending an equal amount of time in each of these areas, and that the quality of the activity that falls under these categories is high.  In other words, I want to make sure that my relaxation time is not consistently and solely spent watching television.  I come back to television a lot because it is one of my personal blocks to conscious and productive living and an easy way to avoid other more meaningful, though challenging, tasks and activities. 

My hope is that by the end of this challenge I will not only have learned to live a more valuable, productive, and well managed life, but also to have found a renewed sense of peace and purpose that would, otherwise, have escaped me.

The Mental Disconnect

What prevents you from living consciously on a daily basis?  With a full time job and a one year old, I often feel tired and stretched to a breaking point.  On top of that, there are so many ways to improve myself and goals to achieve that it can be difficult knowing where to begin.  Here are some of the common obstacles and pitfalls to living a conscious life, and some tips on how to stay on track.

The Issue: Time and Energy 

Life can be busy and how you manage it affects what you are able to achieve each day.  The first step in managing your time is to make sure you don't take on too much in the first place.  Take stock of everything you do in a typical day or week and decide if there are things that can be removed.  Sometimes it's not what you would imagine that consumes important chunks of your day.  As I've mentioned in previous posts, often it is not until you look closely at something and keep track that you realize how bad off you are.  (Think of a food journal, or spending log!) 

The Solution: Analyze and Reassess
I know it's tempting to fall onto the couch after a long day and turn on the television or throw a video game in the console, but these are things we do to mentally disconnect from our lives.  Though we all need time to relax, you should analyze how much time goes to frivolous activities and how much time goes to self-improvement and maintenance.  As always, it is your values and goals that are important here.  I know that it is not a true value or goal for me to spend the limited time I have in the evenings watching television. However, when I'm tired after work and feel like I need to put my feet up and decompress, I have often reached for the remote. 

Watching a little television, or playing a video game is not necessarily bad or wrong, it is the amount of time you give to it that can be a problem, so limiting it is an option.  If you don't feel you can detach yourself, initially, you could have someone in your household put a password on the system, or you could remove the console or cable altogether.  However, I encourage you to work toward self-control and trust in your own ability to follow your values and beliefs.

You should also make a list of some things you would like to incorporate into your daily life that fit with your values and goals and then try replacing the activity you want to limit with one of the activities on the list. It may be that you want to get outside more, and at the moment you spend most of your time indoors watching television.  It may be hard at first to find the energy or motivation to go for a walk, but studies show that exercise actually increases your energy levels over time, and there is a lot to be gained, mentally too, from getting outside and raising your heart rate.

Finally, don't forget to get enough sleep.  Rest is very important for both your body and mind.  If you want to function at peak ability you will need to get some quality sleep.  That means going to bed at a reasonable time, and at the same time everyday and waking at the same time too.  Too much or too little sleep can have a negative impact on your mood and motivation, so don't forget to include your sleep patterns in your analysis.

The Issue: Physical Clutter
You've heard the saying "A tidy house is a tidy mind", or some version of this. From my own experience, I strongly believe that physical clutter creates a debilitating mental block.  The more clutter you have the harder it is to get anything done.  Ordinary, yet important things like staying on top of bills, managing your weight, how you spend your time, and achieving personal goals can all fall victim to the mental fog created by your cluttered environment, and this mental fog will not help you keep a conscious mind.

One situation that has awoken me to this truth is going on vacation and staying in a hotel.  Hotel rooms are empty of clutter.  They house empty furniture which you fill upon your arrival.  Except, I don't know about you, but I've never actually "filled" all of the furniture in a hotel room.  My clothes fit neatly into the wardrobe and drawers, my journal, books, and sleeping aids all sit neatly on the bedside table or in the draw.  You get the point!  I find it incredibly freeing to stay in a hotel with my limited possessions and I don't miss or want for anything sitting at home.  So, the question remains, why do we have so much stuff and what do we do about it?

The Solution: Get Organized
The reasons why we may have a lot of possessions are varied.  You may have a tendency to hoard and develop sentimental attachments to things, or you may just be a procrastinator or both.  Sometimes, if you are very disorganized, you might find yourself purchasing items that you already have tucked away somewhere at home.  It could also be as simple as never truly assessing what you own.  I believe that a lot of the barriers to living a conscious life are interrelated, and you may even find yourself in a vicious cycle of bad habits where one thing seems to cause another.  But you have to begin somewhere, and home is probably a good place to begin. 

A great tip I picked up from an author by the name of Gail Blanke is to start by throwing out 50 things.  I think this works well for someone who has difficulty getting started on what seems like an overwhelming task such as de-cluttering an entire room or house.  Instead of looking at the big picture, you are simply saying you are going to throw out a finite number (50 in this case) of things that you no longer need. 

Stacks of paperwork or magazines are considered one item, but things like a broken umbrella (unless for some reason you are a collector) would not be grouped with anything else and would also count as one item.  Be sure not to bring anything new into your home, where possible, while you are trying to declutter, since you may end up replacing many of the items you are throwing out.  Once you have completed this initial challenge you should feel good about what you have accomplished and, if there is more decluttering to be done, you should already feel more motivated to get the job done.  Expand your challenge to throw out another 50 things.


The Issue: Procrastination or Avoidance
With all the responsibilities that come with the various hats we wear, it is inevitable that some tasks feel quite arduous and unappealing.  But even when we have goals and desires, though the end result might be extremely appealing, sometimes the path we have to travel to get there isn't quite so desirable.  In fact, it can be just plain hard work, and in a society with ever increasing demands on time and speed - the want everything now mentality - it's no wonder we feel put off at times.  I wonder if we have forgotten what true hard work is. 

What do you tell yourself when faced with a task?  I know two of my common thought processes are 1) I have to be in the right frame of mind in order to be successful, and 2) I will miraculously find myself in a better mood, with more energy, or even more determination to tackle the task on another day.  Sadly, this is often not the case, so putting it off only increases my stress and feelings of being overwhelmed by the task at hand.

The Solution: Self-regulation
There is no quick fix for procrastination (fitting, isn't it?)  If there were, I think it might defeat the object here.  Procrastination can become a lifestyle if we let it.  It can cut across many or all areas of our life from our finances to our social life.  I can't tell you to go out and buy a planner, or instruct you to start making lists.  While these things can be helpful tools for someone who is just a little disorganized, alone they are unlikely to help a chronic procrastinator for the simple reason that procrastination often comes down to an inability to self-regulate.   Therefore, my suggestion is that you begin to work on self-regulation techniques. 

Start with something small to focus on such as a simple exercise routine.  Make a plan to follow it a couple of times a week and stick to it.  If exercise isn't a good fit for you, focus on your sleeping patterns.  Make a plan to start a nightly sleep ritual and go to bed at the same time everyday and stick to it.  This has a dual purpose since it is not only going to help you learn self-regulation, but also improve your energy and ability to function.  In addition, sleep itself is said to restore your ability to self-regulate.  It doesn't really matter what you choose, but make it something simple and don't try to do too many things at once. 

You may be able to come up with a few other issues that affect your ability to live a conscious life and if you do, I encourage you to work through the problem until you find a solution.  In the meantime, hopefully this will give you a clear place to start.